Rock and a Hard Place

I started this blog here because I wanted somewhere else to post where I wasn't always feeling like I couldn't write freely.  I couldn't write like I felt I wanted to over there at Snarky Kisses because I always felt that others were reading that I didn't want to read (i.e. family, real life people, etc). 

As you know, BlogHer is rolling up and in exactly one month as of yesterday, I will be flying into LaGuardia airport in Queens, NY.  I am rooming with Kim at Live from the 205 or @kimt205 on Twitter. 

Anyways, about BlogHer... I went last year as well, and it was such a blast; and while there, I was obviously not a "big blogger", I didn't have a well known name, and I didn't have all the full pass for BlogHer.  I just had the LobbyCon pass which pretty much allowed me into all the parties and expo hall, just not into the actual conference presentations.  It was fine for a first timer, but this year, the first day the BlogHer 2010 passes went for sale, I snatched one up!  My point to this entire post is just that, "I'm not a big name blogger, my blog name isn't well known by ANY means" and because of that, I have an icky taste in my mouth about changing my blog name to Growing Within so close to BlogHer this year.  I was extremely surprised at the people who DID know @snarkykisses last year, and I'm not sure I want to change that.  I guess, you know, I could just have my name on my badge be @snarkykisses but my blog could go to Growing-Within.com... I'm just not sure. 

I did however this past weekend, purchase the Thesis 1.7 theme for Wordpress.  Because of that and the fact that I spent $87 on the Thesis theme (that I'm going to edit myself and doctor up with mah skillz), I'm going to be heading back over to Wordpress.  I'm not 100% sure if I'm going to be going back to Snarky Kisses, but I do know I'm going back to WP.  I was a bit perplexed on what I wanted to do but ultimately, even though I thoroughly enjoy Blogger... it just isn't Wordpress.  Know what I mean?

So, because of that, I'll invite you all back on over to my WP home, at Snarky Kisses. 

From there, I truly don't know what I plan to do about the name of the blog.  I know there are others out there having the same issues as I, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let this little blegh feeling of mine throw me completely out of the blog world.  I need this too much believe it or not since I never seem to post anymore to just let it go; it's not me, and quite frankly, it's my social life and sometimes sanity.

And, besides... there could be nitty gritty deets coming up, and quite frankly, I need to have a place to come empty my mind from time to time.

Capsules of Fear

Time, is going by, so much faster than I

And I'm starting to regret not spending all of here with you

Now I'm wondering why I've kept this bottled inside

So I'm starting to regret not selling all of it to you

So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know

You're never gonna be alone from this moment on

If you ever feel like letting go, I won't let you fall

You're never gonna be alone, I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone

And now, as long as I can, I'm holding on with both hands

'Cause forever I believe

That there's nothing I could need but you

So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know

You're never gonna be alone from this moment on

If you ever feel like letting go, I won't let you fall

When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on

We're gonna see the world out, I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone

Oh, you've gotta live every single day

Like it's the only one, what if tomorrow never comes?

Don't let it slip away, could be our only one

You know it's only just begun, every single day

Maybe our only one, what if tomorrow never comes?

Tomorrow never comes

Time is going by so much faster than I

And I'm starting to regret not telling all of this to you

You're never gonna be alone from this moment on

If you ever feel like letting go, I won't let you fall

When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on

We're gonna see the world out, I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone

I'm gonna be there always

I won't be m issing one more day

I'm gonna be there always

I won't be missing one more day

Never Gonna Be Alone | Nickelback

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::

 

I was reading through the local newspaper online from home (my hometown, where my parents still live and where everybody knows everybody) and at the top of the website there is a section of "Most Read This Hour" and below that I noticed a girl's name, 20.

......an obituary.

2008 Graduate, Age 20, Survived by parents, maternal grandparents, two special pets, aunts, uncles, other relatives and friends.

Isn't the word siblings* supposed to go inbetween parents and maternal grandparents?

::insert horror here when I realized, if I died, my obituary would say the same thing::

I sent my mom a message with the link and said that I was going to put a safety harness besides the seatbelt in my car in addition to interior padding; this 20 year old girl was an only child, her parents are left without her, alone.

Their baby is gone, their one and only.  Their pride and joy, gone. 

In fact, in that car accident, 3 of the 4 died.  3 families are without their daughters, while the 4th girl is still in the hospital with serious injuries, so her family is grieving too.  What happened?  How?  Why?  What?  When?  Where? 

The accident occured in very early morning (middle of the night) hours and wasn't noticed until several hours later by a passerby. 

When my mom replied to my message, she said, "Oh no, it looks like she was an only child" and I said, "I cannot imagine having an only child and losing them."

She replied with, "That is my BIGGEST fear."

Never Gonna Be Alone by Nickelback started playing on my iTunes and I got to listening to the lyrics and I couldn't help but listen to the depth of the song. 

Oh, you've gotta live every single day
Like it's the only one, what if tomorrow never comes?
Don't let it slip away, could be our only one
You know it's only just begun, every single day
Maybe our only one, what if tomorrow never comes?
Tomorrow never comes

And I got thinking about my parents and all the other parents out there with only children and the general fear they have should something every happen to their one and only, and my heart began to swell.

Some parents, like mine, couldn't have anymore... just simply could not conceive.  They had me, and that was that.  Secondary Infertility is something many mothers deal with unfortunately. 

So, if you're an only child (or one of many children/siblings), buckle up, drive carefully and defensively and watch out for yourself.
Life is precious.

Live every day, love every one, don't hold grudges and resolve conflicts. 

You never ever know when it will be the last time you see someone.

In the blink of an eye, it could all be gone.

*I am by absolutely no means trying to say having siblings is "better" in this situation versus being an only child.  This post is merely in relation with only children and parents of one child, and the fear of losing their one and only.  It doesn't matter if you have 1 kid or 24 kids, a loss of any child is still just as tragic and unimaginably horrible regardless if it's your only 1, one of five, one of ten, one of twenty, etc.  There are no comparisons here other than the general knowledge of being an only child, and I felt compelled to write about it in this light since I'm an only child myself. 

Guardrails always win... I guess.

Had a little mishap on Friday morning.  Driving to work, my carpooler was off that day so it just me, myself and I in the car.

Torrential downpours nearly made me turn around about 2 minutes after I left home; I literally got off on the freeway on the second exit of our city... only to get right back on the highway because I thought it would be ridiculous if I stayed home from work because of rain.  I did have a lot of crap to do though and it was a perfect day to stay inside and do laundry, clean, paint, etc. 

Driving into work, I was doing just fine, it had stopped raining... no big deal, until I get about 2 minutes from work and decided to take a different exit this time. 

Bam.

Well, I looked away to my left for a second, and clearly wasn't doing what I was supposed to be doing... driving... and bounce, bounce.  *punch thigh, fuck.  punch thigh, fuck.  did that just happen.  i KNEW i should have turned around and stayed home.  punch thigh, fuck fuck fuck.*

Kept driving.  Didn't hit another car, didn't do anything with anybody else except for me and the guardrail.

Drove past some windows that had reflection.  Couldn't tell exactly what happened, but I just knew I hit something and I was expecting the worst.

Pulled into my parking ramp, parked... got out, braced myself... and I was pleasantly surprised at my damages... yes, damaged, but still surprised that it wasn't as bad as I was bracing for.  

*Forgive the crappy cell phone pictures since I didn't have my real camera with me Friday morning and I didn't take any pictures this weekend.

* Click on the pictures to make them bigger.

 Figure A, B and C show you the marks.  Stupid!

You know, it's not bad... per se, but it's bad enough. 

When I say bad enough, I mean just enough damage to have to replace just about everything on the passenger side except the back right door, but that still needs to be painted.
It's more frustrating, maddening grrrr pissed off at myself

than anything.  I'm just thankful I didn't hit anyone else and didn't cause too much damage - nothing that can't be fixed and I can be thankful it was raining and I just skidded into it, slid, bounced, and kept driving.  I was only about 3 blocks from work.

I knew I shouldn't have gone to work that day... Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda.

I got an estimate on Friday night and it wasn't as expensive as I thought so kudos for that!  And, the door still opens, car isn't miss-aligned or anything, nothing is wrong except exterior cosmetic stuff.

So anyways, how was your weekend?  Anyone have any stupid moments like I did or have you ever done something like this in the past? 

Feel free to share!